Everyone grieves differently and knowing how to support a friend who is grieving is always incredibly difficult. It can be hard to know what to say or do, and how not to trigger their emotions. There are many ways you can help a grieving friend navigate this painful time, here are some of our suggestions.
Listen Without Judgement
When someone is grieving they need to be listened to. They will be experiencing such a mixture of emotions and talking can help them piece things together. Help to make them feel they can safely express how they feel with you, and simply be present. Don’t get distracted by your mobile phone while they are trying to talk as that will make them feel like a burden. Also try not to interrupt them or ‘fix’ how they are feeling, let them guide the conversation. There won’t always be a solution, so just reassure them and remind them that you are there for them whenever they need you.
Here are some tips for being present:
- Let them know you are available to talk or even just sit with them.
- Use open body language and make eye contact, showing them you are actively listening.
- Avoid clichés such as ‘they are in a better place’, as this comes across as very dismissive.
Offer Practical Help
Grief is an incredibly overwhelming emotion and can often leave people feeling like they can’t complete the simplest of tasks. Offering to help with some of the practical chores is a great way to show you are there for them. Whether they need help with the dishes or even a food shop, ask them how you can be of assistance. Rather than being vague with your offers of help, be specific as they may struggle to ask for help with chores that seem basic.
Here are a few ideas to help:
- Cook or order meals - prepare something that is easy to reheat and requires little effort.
- Help with household chores including mowing the lawn, cleaning or even the laundry.
- If they are open to it, ask if they need any help with funeral arrangements.
Respect Their Grieving Process
Grief doesn’t have a timeline; some people will want to talk about their loss straight away, while others need time to themselves to process everything. It is really important to respect your friend’s grieving process and don’t pressure them into talking to you.
Their emotions will also fluctuate, and one day they may seem fine, another they may have a complete breakdown. Be sensitive to these changes and offer them support - reassure them that it is normal to feel the way they do. They will heal at their own rate, so just be there for them while they navigate this difficult time.
Here are a few tips to show respect for your grieving friend:
- Avoid setting expectations - don’t expect them to follow the exact order of the 5 stages of grief.
- Be patient and allow them to grieve at their own pace.
- Offer support but don’t demand their time either, it must be on their terms.
Encourage Self-Care
Grief is an emotion that can drain you both mentally and physically, and people struggling will often not have the energy to look after themselves properly. Encouraging self-care is a lovely way to support your friend, and it doesn’t have to be a fully paid-for spa day. Even encouraging them to go for a walk with you, eat a healthy meal, or simply take some time to rest can be forms of self-care.
Suggesting activities to take part in together can give your friend a small reprieve from the intensity of grief and remind them that there is still a world out there beyond their own four walls.
Here are some other ideas for self-care to help your grieving friend:
- Physical activity - a great way to reduce stress and escape their own busy mind.
- Relaxation - mindfulness activities such as yoga or meditation can really help.
- Pampering - if they are struggling to leave their house, why not suggest a home spa day with relaxing candles and a nice bubble bath?
Remember Significant Dates
After the initial shock of the loss, and once the funeral has been and gone, support from family and friends often dwindles. Grief isn’t something that just goes away though, and there are lots of dates including birthdays and anniversaries that can trigger those strong feelings again. Remembering these important dates will really show your friend that you care and are there for them. If you aren’t sure how to speak to them on these days, even a simple message of ‘I am thinking of you’ can go a long way. They will then know that you are there for them if they feel like reaching out.
Here are a few ways to acknowledge important dates to help a grieving friend:
- Send a card or message to show that you remember and care.
- Offer to spend time with your friend so they are not alone during a tricky time.
- Create a tradition, a way of honouring their loved one on this important date each year.
Helping a grieving friend isn’t always about having the answers, sometimes it is just about sitting there quietly with them so they feel less alone during this difficult time. Remember grief is a journey, and having someone to go through it all with can make it feel a lot less daunting.
