Grief is a completely personal journey but can feel very overwhelming when you are going through it. The feelings don’t just occur when someone has died either, you can grieve after a significant life change, or even at the end of a relationship. While everyone’s journey through grief is unique, many people go through the common stages of grief which are important to understand to help you navigate the healing process.
The Five Stages of Grief
A psychiatrist introduced the five stages of grief back in the late 90s, but these are not specific to everyone and you may feel the emotions in a different order. Not everyone will experience all of the emotions, but they do provide a guide for understanding your feelings after a loss.
1. Denial
The first stage of grief is often disbelief that a loved one is no longer around. People tend to go into shock, and the mind goes into defence mode to protect them from the full impact of the loss. Many people will struggle to accept that the loss has occurred during the early stages of grief and may feel numb or disconnected from reality. Denial allows the grieving person to process the loss slowly, giving them time to adjust before having to deal with the emotions.
2. Anger
Anger shows itself as the reality of the loss starts to kick in. It can be directed at oneself, others or even the person who has died. This anger is often a form of frustration, blaming other people or even a higher power of fate. It is completely natural to feel this emotion, and suppressing it is the worst thing to do as bottling up the pain will just lead to inner turmoil.
3. Bargaining
The bargaining stage is not always felt by everyone who has experienced a loss. This stage is all about gaining control over the situation and often involves ‘what if’ statements when replaying the events leading up to the death. Just like all of the stages of grief, this is a completely normal thought process and is all about trying to undo or avoid the reality of the loss.
4. Depression
This is one of the most challenging stages of grief and is where great sadness, emptiness and even despair are felt. During the depression stage, there is full acceptance of the loss which can lead to overwhelming pain. People often withdraw from others during this period, losing interest in life and feeling very hopeless.
While depression is a normal emotion felt in response to grief, it can be hard to distinguish if or when this becomes clinical and requires medical intervention. If the depression feels unmanageable then professional support should be pursued.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage of grief and is where the individual starts coming to terms with the reality of the loss they are facing. It doesn’t mean the person is ‘over’ their grief or has forgotten the deceased, it just signifies a shift towards healing and finding a new way of living without the person who they have lost. During acceptance, new routines may be created and new relationships may start to be forged. The pain of the loss may never fully disappear, but this stage is all about learning to live a fulfilling life rather than be consumed by pain.
Coping With Grief
Grief is an incredibly complex emotion and there is no right or wrong way to get through it. Here are some strategies to help you through this challenging time:
- Seek support: family and friends will be there to guide you through this challenging time, try not to isolate yourself from them.
- Take care of yourself: getting outside in the fresh air and exercising can really help you to compartmentalise the emotions you are feeling. Make sure you are eating and sleeping properly too.
- Allow yourself to feel: don’t hide your emotions, let them all out. Journaling can be a really good way to express yourself.
- Be patient with yourself: grief isn’t linear and doesn’t have a timeline. Give yourself permission to move at your own pace.
Remember, grief is a personal experience and everyone goes through it differently. Try to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel all the emotions.
